Will I Always Feel This Way? Facing the Sting of Infidelity Betrayal

You discovered your partner/spouse has had an affair. As you read this you might be feeling a persistent ache in your stomach, a rigid tension in your body, shallow breaths of panic, or even a nausea that is relentless. Your mind might feel pulled into the torment of reviewing the past, analyzing how the relationship even got to this point, trying to just survive in the present moment (as so many emotions rage through that you might not even be able to name), and thinking about the foggy unknown about what happens from here. It might feel impossible to even land in one place long enough.

Your body might be screaming, "This isn't okay! Get me out of this nightmare!

How is healing even possible? I can't see the way to healing."

you might be thinking this disheartening thought...

AM I ALWAYS GOING TO FEEL THIS WAY?

Some describe this as a living hell.

I see you. Your pain here isn't lost by me. It's horrible what you are going through. As awful as your body might feel, can I offer some reassurance?

You won't always be in this place.

You can heal.

You will make it.

How your body is responding right now is healthy. You are experiencing a trauma and your body is giving you the 'check engine light' that what is happening isn't the way a relationship is supposed to go and that this betrayal is not normal or safe. Your body and emotions are telling you this is not the demonstration of a healthy, functioning and secure relationship. Your body is trying to guard you.

The previous paragraph might not be what you want to hear. Naturally we don't want to feel this kind of pain. It's hell. So to give it permission to exist can feel incredibly scary and rightfully exhausting. However, your body and emotions are cuing you in. Just like how a check engine light gives us a heads up that there is something not working right in our car, your emotions and the physical experience of your emotions are working that way for you. They are just lights on a dashboard saying something needs to change, beckoning you to attune to yourself and investigate what parts of you need tending. That is how you will get through, tuning into yourself, holding gentle space for the parts of you that ache, becoming your own safe landing place for the parts of you that carry the wounds. Growing in trust with yourself and your own intuitions, and giving yourself permission to take as much time as you need to heal.

You will make it.

Making it might look like tackling each day second by second.

Making it might look like, for a season, more time in your day feels weighted by the crashing realities of betrayal.

Making it might look like forcing rest and fun into your self-care routines.

Making it might look like leaning on trusted others WAY more than you normally do or naturally feel comfortable with.

Making it might look like crying in your closet, your car, your shower-wherever your most private space tends to be.

Making it might look like forcing yourself to eat when your stomach feels topsy-turvy.

Making it might look like not knowing how you will get out of bed, let alone get through the rest of the day.

AND THAT IS OKAY.

It won't always be this way

It is not a sign of failure, it is not a sign that you aren't moving through this the 'right' way. It just means your body and mind are working through trauma. You're human. Everyone's healing timeline is different, but for most people they won't be unaffected or just 'get over it' quickly, as much as we wish we could be. Why? Because you have beautiful values, you desire trust, security and connection in your most important relationships. If it weren't important to you, then you wouldn't be impacted. This turmoil you feel speaks to your values.

Can I encourage you?

It won't always be this way.

You care deeply about having a healthy relationship.

Your values are beautiful.

You are going to get to know some pretty incredible and powerful parts of you in this season.

You're going to show up for yourself.

You're going to make it.

If you are in need of support individually or if you and your partner/spouse have decided to discover healing together, I would love to walk alongside you individually or in couples therapy. Don't hesitate to contact me with any inquiries, I'd love to help you.