What Should I Expect? How Couples Therapy Begins: Assessment

Maybe you are thinking about marriage counseling or couples counseling, but aren't quite sure what to expect. Entering into couples therapy can feel pretty nerve-wracking! To help give some preparation and to help ease your nerves a bit, here is what you can expect at the very start of our work together.

One of my biggest goals in therapy is to consistently meet you both where you are at. To do this, I first need to know where you both are at, in the relationship and as individuals.

Because of this, the first three sessions are assessment sessions. The first session we meet all together and the next two sessions I meet with each of you individually.

What happens in the first session?

In our first session we meet all together and I am just getting to know the both of you. This is the session where I like to get to know the story of how you both met, fell in love and then at what points in the relationship things started to get more difficult. You will find me asking a questions around the nature of these places in your relationship that you feel the most stuck in. This first session helps me gain my bearings on your relationship, the presenting problems, and what your hopes and goals are together. I will also introduce you to some structures and expectations I put in place in our work together so we can collaboratively work together towards creating a safe environment. I will also give you more information about what the scope of our work will look like after the assessment sessions.

What happens in the individual sessions?

The individual sessions are for the purpose of me being able to get to know the story that shaped you. I want to really hear you and get to know you. I want to understand why and how you show you up in your current relationship and how you experience it. I do this by getting to know your family history, what those relationships were like for you growing up in the family, your peer relationships when you were growing up, your history of experiences in past romantic relationships and what your experiences have been in your current relationship. Understanding your experiences in these major areas of your life helps me gain a fuller picture for you in your current relationship, since significant relationships from our family lives and past relationships shape how we show up in our current adult relationships.

I truly believe one of the most helpful components in working with couples is understanding couples not only in the context of their relationship, but also in the context of how each of them have learned to navigate through life from childhood to now. Because the nature of emotionally focused therapy is a vulnerable process, couples helping me get to know them and their stories, helps me create a safer space for them to go to the vulnerable places we need to, to help foster safe and secure depth in bonding and healing in the relationship.

If you are looking to start couples counseling, I would love to begin by getting to know the story of your relationship and your life journeys that have shaped who you both are today. Feel free to reach out. I would love to meet you both where you are at and support you both along your journey in restorative healing.