Couples’/Marriage New Years Resolutions

2025 is just around the corner. A fresh start is coming with a new year. You might be considering what some ways of making your marriage or relationship better this year could be.

As a couples counselor, every couple has their own unique rhythms and needs that leave them feeling connected, but I’m going to share some ideas with all of you to explore and see what seems to fit and doesn’t. Sometimes all we need is just a few ideas to get our creative juices flowing. I will break this down in categories; Communication, Romance, Conflict, Adventure.

Communication:

1. Understand Your Spouse: Lean into understanding your spouses perspective, take a moment to pause before jumping in with your own thoughts and lean into what they are saying.

2. Practice Active Listening: You may feel like a parrot in the beginning, but the more you practice the easier it gets. As you listen to your spouse, repeat back to them what you are hearing. If you are not sure you are hearing them right, book-end your reflection with, ‘This is what I’m hearing…did I hear you correctly?’ or ‘Correct me if I’m getting this wrong, but I hear you saying…did I catch that right’ or ‘I really want to make sure I’m understanding what your saying accurately, I’m hearing you say…am I interpreting that right? If I’m not I certainly invite you to help me understand more clearly.’

3. Slice it Thinner: What I mean by this is when you share something important with your spouse that you wouldn’t talk to someone else about, also share why you are telling them, as in what the meaning is for you that you want to and can share this information with them, whether it’s something fun or hard. For example, a spouse might be downloading how hard their work day was with their spouse…that person might also add to the conversation why this is important to them. They might share something like this, ‘I share this with you because I feel like I matter so much to you, having your listening ear helps me feel so much better, what can I do to leave you feeling like you really matter to me?’ If it wasn’t meaningful relationally I’m some way we wouldn’t share it. I’d encourage you to explore the meaning in it for you in terms of how it leaves you feeling Connery your spouse and then share that.

Romance:

1. Put together cookie jars with ideas that feel romantic to each of you. Check out this previous blog post that goes into how this works: Intimacy in a Cookie Jar.

2. Pick out a couples game together to play on occasion. One that is popular is conversation starter game called “Love Lingual.”

3. Massages or Washing your spouses hair: physical touch releases the ‘cuddle’ hormone oxytocin. Taking time to slow down and give massages or even wash each others hair can be a simple way to connect without needing tons of words to express that bond.

Conflict (under the assumption there is no abuse in the relationship):

1. Take a 20 minute break: When we get into conflict our nervous systems often get dysregulated, making it very hard to respond and share in the way we need to. It’s okay to take a break to regulate yourselves with deep breathing or even a brief walk, with the assurance clearly made to one another of when you both will come back to address the topic again.

2. Walk and Talk: Sometimes our bodies create a lot of energy as we discuss hard things. Sometimes walking while talking can help your body regulate when touching on topics that can surface emotions that produce more energy in you. Walking and talking can also give more room and allowance for pauses needed to consider our thoughts and what the other person is saying. It also removes the pressure of looking directly at one another in a moment where maybe the experience of being stared at could disrupt your ability to hear and share with each other.

3. Hold Hands: In a conversation that feels more heated, try holding hands when discussing together. This physical action of affection can help interrupt the distance and remind the two of you that love for each other is still there and that your both still a team even though the topic is hard.

Adventure:

1. Try something new: this can be fun and hilarious doing something together that’s novel. It might turn into one hilarious outing or something the both of you realize you actually want to continue doing together.

2. Plan a Getaway: It can be elaborate or a simple outing, make having a fun time away together a non-negotiable rhythm in your relationship.

3. Surprise Outings: Take turns surprising each other of where/what you both are going to be doing for a date night. Keep each other on your toes!

I hope this brief list of ideas starts getting the juices flowing on different ideas and goals you can think of trying in your relationship as you process your hopes, goals and aspirations for your relationship or marriage this year.

If you need help rebuilding the bond in your marriage or relationship I would be happy to help. Feel free to contact me through this website and I’ll be in touch with you as soon as I can!